I've been planning weddings for what seems like forever now and with a direction only event coming up this weekend I have had it on my mind quite a bit lately. Here are a few tips for planning and directing your special day from someone who's done everything from budgetless in a community center to a mountain get away where all the guests got full gift baskets delivered to their hotels.
1. Set a budget and stick to it. There's no need to start your new life off in debt from a huge wedding. At the end of your wedding day, whether you've spend $500 or $2 million one thing will be the same, you'll be married. The simplest of venues can be made beautiful with the right decor and attention to detail.
2. HIRE A DIRECTOR. Especially if you are getting married in a non traditional venue, garden or outdoor space, HIRE A DIRECTOR. The idea here is two fold. You may feel pretty creative and want to do most of the things for your wedding on your own. A director will only cost a couple hundred dollars for your event and you've then got someone who isn't family or involved in the wedding in any way that can be a spare set of eyes and can stay busy getting everyone coordinated before and after the wedding. I cannot express enough how important this is. Let your family members, and bridal party (and you) enjoy your special day and not be running around everywhere trying to direct your event. This is important in a traditional setting as well. A bridesmaid is your bridesmaid, and the same with family. People tend to respect the authority of someone they don't know a little more and it's always good to have one person in charge, otherwise you often wind up with too many leaders and not enough followers.
3. If you are doing a catering hall, spring for the plated dinner if you can. If you don't send out an option of food on your rsvp you can offer each guest a simple chicken and a simple beef in the same dish. It drastically changes the feel of an event when guests can come into your reception, sit down and be served rather than up and down to get plates, shuffle carrying glasses, etc.
4. Rent your centerpieces. If you want something intricate and elegant, rent it. What are you going to do with 15 versions of the exact same centerpiece? Do you have a plan for it? So why spend the money to pay for the entire thing and have to set it up yourself on a day that you are already busy enough? Call a florist, have them do a simple arrangement on each table or call a coordinator. Many coordinators offer decor only packages. They'll show up decorate and have everything ready for you and then be back to clean up when the reception/wedding has drawn to a close.
5. Check the references of the people you hire. The cheapest guy may be the cheapest for a reason. Let planners and djs build their portfolio elsewhere, your wedding is not a place for them to learn. This doesn't mean not to accept a planner who may have an understudy, but don't allow just anyone to direct your event. Everyone has been to at least one wedding in their life. In general we all have an idea of how things are supposed to happen, who stands on what side, etc, but until you've been an employee at an event, it is a completely different ball game. It can be tempting to get that director who will do your event for free just to build her portfolio or the dj that has all the equipment and is a friend of your brothers, but resist the temptation. There is nothing like spending months planning an event on your own only to have it look unorganized or have family members bickering because Aunt Hilda is directing the event and everyone feels she's letting the power go to her head.
6. Have a list of photos that you want on the day of your wedding. Scour the web looking at poses you like, and think of family members and friends that you'd like the photographer to include. Most people take photos between the ceremony and reception. Having a good detailed plan in place (and an assertive photographer with a keen eye to move Aunt Margaret's head or ask your mother in law to stop talking to her sister so he can get a shot) will make all the difference in getting the best photos in a time frame that won't have the rest of your guests checking their watches.
7. If it's within the budget, change clothes during the reception. It doesn't have to be an expensive gown. A simple ivory dress with your formal hair and low heals can go a long way. It can be short or long; it can match the style of your wedding gown or be completely different. For the nontraditional bride, you can also go with a reception dress that matches the color of your wedding instead of white. You'll enjoy the reception a lot more if you get out of that heavy gown and can boogie. (:
8. Get plenty of rest in the weeks leading up to the wedding. There's a lot to do and it feels like not enough time, but you will be in 100 or more photos on this day and if you don't want to look like a zombie bride, get some sleep and stay hydrated! Dehydration can cause a whole plethora of other problems that on the surface don't seem related; irritability, weakness, and trembling could all be attributed to wedding day jitters, but the real culprit could be that you've been running around since 6 am on half a cup of coffee and a poppy seed muffin.
9. Do a trial run with your hair and makeup. Even if you aren't doing bridal portraits and you've had the same hair stylist since you were an embryo; do a trial run and try on your dress with it if you can. So you've selected the perfect gown. The beading is beautiful, it fits you perfectly and you can't wait to get married. You're wearing your hair down because your husband-to-be loves it that way, but you put on your dress an hour before the ceremony only to find that your hair is covering up that beautiful embellishment that you loved on the back of your dress...what do you do? Quickly pull your hair up or style it to the side? Cut an inch off on your wedding day? What if your stylist has already left (or you got your hair done at their salon that morning) and you have to trust Aunt Hilda to cut an inch off or pull your hair up? The point is, do a trail run with your hair and makeup. Most places do the trail run for free so they can take photos to refer back to on your wedding day. The last thing you want is to take in a magazine photo of what you want the day of your wedding and be told it's not something they can do. They need to know for certain what you want and what will be best for your hair to have staying power through the reception.
10. Have a rehearsal. Yes, most everyone has been to a wedding and they know the basics of what to do, but it's important to have this time for everyone to be sure they are on the same page and to work out any logistics of who's shorter, taller, what will look best in pictures, etc. If possible, it should be at the same time as your ceremony on the day before, especially if your ceremony is outside. If you're getting married at 2pm on a Saturday, however, everyone may not be available to come at 2pm on Friday. The rehearsal can be scheduled for later in the day if that's the case. You still need to be sure that you visit your ceremony space at the time of your event, in some cases before you ever book it. Let's say your getting married in the courtyard of a bed and breakfast in a quaint country setting. The yard is flanked with trees on all sides and you've been there several times after work or in the late afternoon to meet with vendors or the owner of the facility. You rehearse at 6pm on a Friday for your wedding on Saturday at 2pm. Because you've never been to the facility at 2pm, you have no idea that there is a train that comes through at 2:05, just about the time you get down the isle and your officiant starts to speak, even though the train is more than a mile away, it sounds like it's coming straight through the courtyard. If you'd visited the site at the time of the wedding you would've known this and been able to push the start time up or back. If you're getting married on the roof of a building in a downtown area at 5:30 in the evening, the same types of things are important. Does the city have a bustling night life or is it pretty quiet downtown? Even in a church, these things can be important. Can you hear the choir practicing down the hall from the sanctuary or the girlscouts having their meeting in a Sunday school room, etc?
More important than any of these things, BREATHE and take things in stride. You've spent a lifetime thinking of this day and all of it's perfection. Understand that some of the things you've imagined may not be possible and sometimes things happen that are out of your control. Be as thankful and happy as you can and savor every moment of this day...enjoy! Happy Wedding!
For ideas tips or to find out what a planner could do for you visit my wedding site at
www.theperfectdaydesigns.com
